Day 125 - Picture Friday!

"You droolin' on me? YOU droolin' on me? You droolin' on ME?"

Forget the face, look at the burp cloth! Ain't that the biggest burp bubble ever?

"I'm sorry...I thought this was a toilet."

"Yay! Daddy went back to work!"

"crapcrapcrapcrapcrap...there's a parrot on my shoulder...crapcrapcrapcrap..."

"I shwear officer (hic)...it waz jus' formoola dat I was drinkin' (burp)."

Who is Emma impersonating?

...that's right. Ernie the Keebler Elf!

Have a great weekend!

Day 124 - Beguiling Bride by Scott Ichikawa

I hope everyone enjoyed Lisa's blog entry as much as I did not.

That's right, you heard me. I did NOT enjoy the blog entry. Sure it was well-written and funny and accurately depicted me as "cute on sight" (although Lisa graciously omitted the words "by a blind person"). But here is why I did not enjoy the posting: Lisa was conning me!

I don't know how many of you have read the comments on Lisa's post, but by mid-afternoon you had the following:

mynameisanne (my sister) said...BEST BLOG ENTRY EVER IN THE UNIVERSE.

susan (Lisa's sister) said...WOW...what an amazing entry...I'm blown away!!!!

So I think to myself that maybe this will make Lisa do a few more blog entries. Good for her. Then a few hours later there was this comment:

sburr1 said...Who knew you were soooo funny!! You need to keep it up....

Wow. Another comment. Ever since I started the blog I was lucky to get 1 comment over a four week period, but never three in one day. I guess Lisa's writing struck a nerve. Another few hours she received MORE comments:

kevin said...Is it just me, or did the quality of the writing just improve immensely? More Pizza Pie!!!

kevin said...Pizza, You should post something funny with scott as the butt of the joke!!

First of all, don't give her any future blog ideas, Kevin. Secondly, it begun to strike me odd that so many people were commenting in one day. Could Lisa have been asking people to post comments? Nah.

But then there were these two last comments that made me think something weird was going on:

mrs. braverman said...All these years, I thought Scott was the funniest person in the world... boy, was I wrong -- it's his wife!

jesus christ said...Wow. Hilarious! Good job, Lisa -- you're going to heaven!

There's no way my high school teacher, Mrs. Braverman, knew anything about my blog. And it's even more ridiculous that Jesus Christ posted a comment because I know for a fact his MacBook Pro is in the shop.

So what's the deal? I'll tell you what the deal is. Lisa was conning me! All day today, she called and e-mailed her friends and family to post a comment to her entry describing how deliriously delightful it was. If I didn't figure this out today, she said she was going to leave messages with her co-workers and her former student's parents to post more comments. And as she was telling me this, she was laughing hysterically while breast feeding the kids which was rather unfortunate because the shaking of her body caused the kids to unlatch from her nipples creating a stream of breast milk to stain the sofa.

I guess the joke's on me then. All I can say after this experience is that both Lisa and I will live a very, very, very long time as evidenced by this article.

I'll post some pictures up tomorrow, and on Saturday I'll give you a summary of Andrew's and Emma's four month check-up which we had yesterday.

Day 123 - Blushing Bride by Lisa Ichikawa

It seems that the majority of you would like me to write about whether or not I get embarrassed by this blog. Are you freakin' kidding?! Who wouldn't be embarrassed when your husband writes, in detail, about aspects of your pregnancy that no one needs to know and you would like to forget? Most women are afforded the luxury of being able to block out all the bad stuff that happened to them when they were pregnant. Not only can I relive every moment by reading the blog, but I also get to have strangers come up to me and ask if I still have "cankles." (Thankfully it's not shorts weather yet.)

Anyone who knows Scott realizes that he likes to embarrass people. No one is exempt from his teasing, be it his parents, his sister Anne (pretzel maven), and even his sweet, gray-haired grandma. (Incidentally, he better watch out for grandma because I heard that she can carry a five pound bag of rice all the way from church to her home - several blocks - without breaking a sweat!) These people are blood relatives. They have no choice but to live with Scott's antics. I, however, married the guy. In other words, I knew what I was getting into, but decided to say "I do" anyway.

Over the years, many of you have asked, "Why?" Why submit yourself to such merciless taunts, such ruthless shenanigans? I stand by my answer: Scott makes me laugh. Yes, he's nice, and smart, and talented (enough already, Mrs. Braverman!) He's thoughtful, and C.O.S. (Cute On Sight, at least to some), and "deceptively strong." What gets me, though, is his sense of humor. The first time I ever spent a considerable amount of time alone with him, he made me laugh so hard that I almost peed my pants. It's 15 years later, and he still makes it necessary for me to wear Depends (and I'm not even embarrassed to admit it!)

Day 122 - Four Months Old (yesterday)

Over the past four months, I estimate that we have gone through approximately 2300 diapers. I also estimate that we have made about 1500 bottles of formula. Lastly, the kids have spent more time nuzzling Lisa's breasts than I ever have in my 15 years of knowing her. Enjoy the pictures!





Tomorrow Lisa will post her blog!

Day 121 - Poll Results & New Poll

Although I'm sure we'd all love Lisa to write an entry about the sexiness of Sonic the Hedgehog versus Mario the...err...Italian Lothario, the people have voted, and Lisa's next blog will be about whether or not she has been embarrassed by the blog. Hopefully Lisa will not be too cruel, but thankfully I have a prenup that will protect my assets (i.e. my Wii).

This week's poll pertains to what happened to Lisa today with the kids. Since Lisa returns to work next month, she decided to go to school to pick up some stuff from her classroom because today is a holiday. The kids were well-behaved, and the trip home was perfect because it was time for their next feeding. Lisa took Emma out of car seat and placed her on the sofa. As Lisa walked away, she smelled something foul. After ruling herself out, she picked Emma back up and discovered that poop seeped through three layers of clothing PLUS it was on top of the sofa. Lisa hurried Emma to the changing table, soaked the poopy clothes, gave a bath, and cleaned the sofa.

Thankfully, Andrew was sound asleep in the car seat this whole time. So Lisa finally had the time to get Andrew out and guess what? He also pooped through his diaper and all over his clothes! It was a total crap-tastrophe.

Lisa pleads with our loyal audience to give as a clue as to what she...err...we could be doing wrong. And if none of the options suit you, feel free to comment!

P.S. Today is Andrew and Emma's four month birthday! Will post some pictures up tomorrow.

Day 120 - Posting Update

Since I haven't been working due to the WGA strike, I've been able to spend a few moments everyday to update the blog. But sadly, the daily updates may be less frequent because I'm going back to work tomorrow for a few weeks. Boo! I'm also up for jury duty this week. Double boo!

I'll still make an effort to put a little something of interest every day, so keep visiting. And those days when I can't, I'm hoping Lisa will guest blog more frequently. Besides, she can type while she breastfeeds. Just keep the booby juice off the keyboard, Lisa

Day 119 - The Look of Love

When babies are born they aren't the most attractive things. Honestly, the chances of something cute coming out of a human vagina is pretty slim. I have read medical journals describing Sanrio figurines being extracted from a vagina, but even the attractiveness of a Chococat vibrator is relative.

When your kids first come out they are actually pretty disgusting. Dare I say repulsive? They're covered in blood and white slime, crying, shriveled, and screaming. Look at what Emma looked like when she came out of Lisa's tummy...


Not so cute, right? My theory is that babies are born out of this slimy, bloody mess so there's no where to go but up on the cuteness scale. It's like those really overweight people you see on the Discovery Health Channel who weigh over 500 pounds. At the end of the program, there's a follow-up and you see the 500+ pound person six months later after surgery, and they now weigh 350 pounds. You think to yourself, "Hey. That stout fella doesn't look that bad anymore!" Yet you forget that he still weighs THREE HUNDRED FIFTY POUNDS! So substitute the 350 pound dude with a one day old newborn, and you get my drift.

Where am I going with this? Well, we've been talking to friends and family who have been following the development of our little ones. Probably in the past month or so, there's one remark that we have been getting quite a bit. It goes like this: Emma is a lot cuter now.

Mind you, these are the same people who were saying how cute she was from the very beginning. I don't take any offense to their implication that Emma wasn't so cute because there were times when she looked like George Costanza. Look at Emma when she wasn't even a month old.

Not so cute, right? If it wasn't for her balding head, I'd say she was a dead ringer for the Nick Nolte mug shot.

So if you're a new parent there's a lot of insecurities and politeness going on in regards to the look of your child. For better or worse, nobody wants to have an ugly baby and nobody is going to say you have an ugly baby. But the great thing about having a baby is that no matter what they look like and how healthy they are, those things are put in the backseat by one thing: you love them. I'm sure the ugliest baby in the world was loved by his parents...although I'm sure the parents weren't much to look at either. And I'm sure the most unhealthy baby in the world was loved by his parents...although I'm sure the parents died really young and left their child to fend for himself in a jungle.

With that, I leave you with one last picture:

So cute, right?